Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

We get  a call from the clinic that my husband's appointment is next Monday at 9 am.  Now, we are off all of this week, why can't we be seen this week?  I decided that I should email the doctor and ask if we can go in this week while we are off.  A half hour later, the doctor called and said we could come into the office in the morning tomorrow. So glad to have personal knowledge as to how to reach physicians in the hospital.

I went to lunch with my 14 yr old daughter and she begins to ask me questions about what she would gain if Jude died from whatever he has.  I am trying to not think about such a thing!  But, I quickly inform her that she would get nothing, all goes to the spouse.  Any amounts for her would go for her expenses now and for college.  It's amazing how children take what they get from friends at school and think she would be in the same situation. I, on the other hand, am worried about the what if?  What if he is sick for a long time, can't work, runs out of disability benefits at work, if they actually have them?  I don't know because that wasn't important until this very minute.  Can I endure another loss?

I loss both my parents in 1990 while I was pregnant with my son.  My mom had lung cancer, and 3 months later, my dad died from emphysema and a broken heart.  After I loss them, I had my son. It turned out that he was ill, had a disease called Hershprung's disease and had a colostomy for 6 months and then reconstruction.  Right before the reconstruction, my husband broke a bone in his back and was out of work for 5 years. 3 years later while my husband was till out of work, we had a beautiful baby boy, born 7 weeks prematurely. Shortly thereafter, we lost him to Group B Strep meningitis at 5 weeks old.   It was very, very, hard to go through. We have been through a lot and have survived it all.  I used to pretend I was happy for a long time, and then finally I was.  I couldn't dwell on all of the hurt, and tried to hope for good things.  3 years later, we had our beautiful daughter. Life was good!

Tuedsay, December 28th, 2010

While Jude goes in for his physical, I sit in the waiting room reading a book.  I see the doctor now and he is asking me to join them in his office.  He goes over the lab results, and orders more labs.  He tells Jude that he needs a Hematologist and since I work at the hospital, I tell my husband which one we should use.  The doctor will set up the appointment for us.  Now, we go home and wait for clinic to call us and make an appointment.

December 27th Looking forward to having the week off with my family

It's 5 pm and it's almost time to leave work for an entire week.  I am so excited because my son is home from college for 2 more weeks.  Maybe, we can go snowtubing or to Vermont for a getaway.

I got a call from my husband's doctor telling me that I should come with him to his physical appointment tomorrow.  I listen to the results of his lab work and am thinking, "What the hell is that?" His white count, blood count, and platelet count are all abnormally low, and he will need a Hematologist.  The doctor had seen the results and ordered anemia studies, which were fine.  So, what was wrong?

I went home and told my husband that since I had the day off, I would come with him for his physical, and that he would probably need a Hematologist. So much for a relaxing evening at home!